It was at that moment she decided enough is enough. She was tired of longing for it...tired of waiting and watching..she had to do something about it now. When was the last time she ever did it? She couldn't remember. It seemed like it was in another lifetime when things were so much simpler. She took a deep breath and got up - and felt a shiver run down her spine. Strangely, she felt exhilarated - that surprised her, wasn't she supposed to feel scared? or alteast guilty? She didn't feel guilty - she'd come beyond all that now.
Her first 2 steps were tentative - but then she remembered the pain and she wanted to end it - she walked out of the room. She opened the door and steeled herself for the first onslaught of the cold air. It almost knocked the wind out of her - she could feel her mind giving up and wanting to go back. But going back was not an option. She'd had enough and this was her revenge.
Half in doubt, she slowly extended her hand. She could hear her heart beat in her throat. Her hand got there before her mind did, she could feel the cold veneer of her long lost love - the love was lost, what remained was bitterness. She couldn't defeat the lure of it and now she was giving in. Giving in? It hit her like a blast of a ship's foghorn - giving in? She wasn't going to give in. It just wasn't in her nature to give in. She took her hand back as if she'd been stung. She shut the door hard and ran back into the room. It took her all of 10 minutes to calm down..she could feel her heart beat normally..she was sweating and her hands were shivering.
She heard the car in the driveway. Her husband was home - after what seemed like an eternity. She ran to the door and yanked it open even before he got out of the car. She felt so relieved to see him - he would understand why she tried to do it. He knew something was wrong when he saw her. He came running to her, 'Honey, are you ok? Is something wrong? Why are you looking so pale?'
And she told him. She told him how she tried to give up on her diet and eat the chocolates in the refrigerator after all.
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