The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday school quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade ages. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and of course, spelling! Kids should rule the world, as it would be a laugh a minute for us adults and therefore no time to argue.
Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
Me would love to live in a dessert - the more chocolatier the better!
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.
So, that's what a myth is? Hmm..and I thought it had something to do with made-up stories! Silly me!
Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a Dramatic decline.
Moral: Marriage and Advice will get you killed. And yeah..it generally happens that after a dude dies, his career is shot.
In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. The games were messier then than they show on TV now.
Yep, catch the biscuits and Java and have your own coffee party!
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus."
I'm not sure if any finger movements came along with that last line.
Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have problems.
Yeah..burnt to a steak and rumor has it that she was also baconized ;-)
Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen," As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and that was the end of the fighting for a long while.
No comments.
Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.
No comments again.
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
Man, isn't that cool - he was born exactly on his birthday!!!! Iambic, Islamic...tragicomedies, hysterectomies...whatever!
Ring a bell? Well, watch 'Rang De Basanti' and these will keep ringing in your ears till you make a conscious effort to forget it. And trust me, if there is one thing you cannot forget, it is the way these young people laid down their lives for their country. These guys were only 23 when they became martyrs - 23, that's 2 years younger than me! And when that strikes you, there is nothing you can do to stop the tears that well up in your eyes or swallow the lump that has formed in your throat.
My Republic Day saw me 1. proud to be an Indian - more proud than I had ever been and 2. guilty, that I'm doing nothing for my country other than find faults with it. You might think I'm going all patriotic and sentimental about the whole thing, but if you watch this movie, you will understand why I'm saying whatever I'm saying.
Spoilers - Not so much, just character descriptions. Plot not revealed, don't worry. So..your call!
The movie is about 6 youngsters who wake up one fine day (thanks to a British documentary film maker, Sue) to realize that their countrymen have become complacent about the problems in India and decide to do something about it. The parallels between these guys and the 6 freedom fighters is portrayed beautifully in the movie. The film-maker, Sue, hires these guys to play the roles of the freedom fighters in her documentary. How the characters affect these carefree young people to rise and do something forms the rest of the movie.
Aamir is brilliant (as usual) as the punjab-da-puttar DJ. Sharman Joshi (as Sukhi) is fun-incarnate - perenially drunk and slurring, it's a treat to hear him slur through the names of his friends. Soha Ali Khan (hubbie likes her a lot a lot a lot..hee hee..good enough reason for me to hate her, eh?) knows how to act (not to mention her dress sense). Period. Atul Kulkarni (as Laxman) is..well, I got no words for this guy man. He was awesome! Kunal Kapoor (as Aslam) rocks! He's the coolest looking of the lot..and when he smiles..well, his smile is good. ** evil grin **
And I'm keeping the best for the last - ** start drumbeats ** Siddharth (as Karan Singhania)!! ** end drumbeats ** Somebody please tell me how this guy got so brilliant!!!! He was cute in 'Ayudha Ezhuthu', cuter in 'Chukkallo Chandrudu', but man, he is hot hot hot in RDB!
The movie was very very very good. I loved it. It's different (well, almost.. has a bit of Hindi-movie illogical things too, but not so much) and its colorful, vibrant..and it will make you wanna shout 'Jai Hind' over and over again! After the movie ended, a bunch o' guys at the back started shouting 'Inquilab Zindabad' - so you can imagine!
And what stayed with me and is still on my mind are Bismil's words (spoken by Atul Kulkarni) -
Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamare dil mein hai Dekhna hai zor kitna bazuen qatil mein hai.
Translated: I have the zeal of valour in my heart Let us see how strong are the arms of the enemies/killers.
And ofcourse, there's nothing like shouting 'Vande Mataram' at the top of your voice - for your country and the your people who died so you could be free in your own country. To be completely honest, if I had seen this movie when I was 18, I would have atleast given IAS a shot before becoming a god-forsaken software engineer. Maybe I still can...
Sorry about the size folks - Flickr wouldn't let me login, so this is the max I can do! You can consider it an eye-checkup - if you can read it, good, you dont need glasses! Meanwhile, think of a good explanation to give to all those people who're going to ask you why your head is glued to the monitor.
The AICC Plenary session is here!!!! I'm not a supporter of the Congress party, neither am I into politics even an eensy-weensy bit..but still, the AICC Plenary is here!!!! What's making me so happy about it? Well, how about the fact that it is happening in Happy Hyderabad! Yep, that's the term coined by the Muncipal Corp of Hyd (MCH) these days - Happy Hyderabad. Weird isn't it? Hmph, what else can you expect out of these guys anyway..they should make 'Happy Hyderabadi' their motto, that would be more fun.
Coming back..why am I happy about it? For one, we got neeeeat roads man! And we not only got roads (pothole-free, 6 lane mind you) we also got dividers overnight! Not just any dividers, we got dividers with grass and plants in them!!!!!! Plants with flowers!!! How cool is that??!!! And the flowers are all in full bloom!! Beat that if you can, yeh US-living people! (Ok, ok, got carried away there..I know you US-living people can beat the crap outta that one - but just humor me, would ya, and accept that what's happened in Hyd is really really cool and a one-in-the-world kinda thing..please, pretty please?)
And we had the first tension-free ride to office today after a long time. We were waiting at a traffic signal and just happened to look out the window and guess what my hubbie saw? A guy in jeans and T-shirt (crappy one at that) with an automatic in his hand!!! He was standing there, gun in hand, as if it's the most natural thing in the world to do! And the biggest wonder of 'em all - not one person thought of jumping a red signal today - you wouldn't dare right? What if the guy with the automatic didn't like you doing it? You would be kinda dead..so why push it..
You guys will not believe what the latest thing in Hyd is these days - gates! That's right, huge cardboard gates for regular roads (something like the 'Welcome Shri. so and so' gates that come up on the roads when some big shot is visiting). And the best part is the names - we have 'Smt. Sonia Gandhi Gate', 'Shri. William Weddernburn Gate' (this chap is a Knight, but no 'Sir' - it got translated to Shri - well, it happens only in India!), 'Shri S.D.Sharma Gate'...in short gates named after every President the AICC has ever had (or so I think). It's mildly funny though.
Whatever be it, I'm a happy hyderabadi these days - the roads are good, the traffic is under control (with gun-trotting policemen - every junction has a min of 4 traffic policemen) and the people seem to be enjoying the fact that once in a while, all roads do lead to Hyderabad! All good roads that is ;-)
Yep, that's me, falling back into reality from a wonderful sojourn into the realms of pure bliss - in english, that would mean I just came out of a day dream. I do that a lot you know, doesn't cost a dime but totally worth all the time wasted. Reminds me of Fred and George Weasley's 'Patented Daydream Charms' - "One simple incantation and you will enter a top-quality, highly realistic, thirty-minute daydream, easy to fit into the average school lesson and virtually undetectable (side effects include vacant expression and minor drooling). Not for sale to under-sixteens. ". As always, Harry Potter rocks! (still not out of the HP hangover folks - it's one long intoxication, for want of a better word!). 'Nuff said about HP eh? Ok Ok..by popular demand..will try to refrain from any references to Harry Potter in this post...this post only, mind you.
So..where was I? Oh yeah, daydreams..my post is not about that anyway, so what the heck!
Reality continues to ruin my life - exactly like Calvin says. Today's reality - another weekend is upon us and I still have no plans! You will not believe, there are 13 movies running at a very popular Multiplex and not one, I repeat, not one is worth watching! Well, that is if you exclude the Goblet of Fire...but honestly, I wouldn't watch that again either - why? Read this. Coming back to reality (again??!!), people seem to be doing so many interesting things with their lives and here I am cribbing about my weekend plans to a bunch of people I haven't even met or don't even know the last names of! No offence amici, but that is the truth, isn't it? (You dont have to take the trouble of leaving your last names as comments folks - I didn't mean it in that way!)
What you're thinking now is right - I am one cranky woman right now, bad for you!
It's not that there is a dearth of fun stuff where I live, just that I never seem to have the time or the patience to actually plan something out and then, most important, execute it! I love procrastination and I'm lazy - now, that is one combination you shouldn't be having.
Just noticed some good things in today's reality -
1. New profiles up in 'Interesting people in Yahoo! 360' 2. The cute calendar that comes up in your 360 blog - well, it now matches the time of posting. Earlier it used to display based on PST, not IST - so my posts and dates were not in sync. Now they are! 3. Again in the calendar - point the mouse at a date and it displays a tip text kinda thing with the post name! Now, that's a useful thing for someone like me (who reads and re-reads her own posts - yes, I am that crazy). 4. For all those people using counters - Yahoo! is giving you a Visitor Stats feature! Check out Yahoo! 360 News (that teensy weensy link at the top of your 360 blog!)
Somehow, small changes in today's monotony seems to have cheered me up enough to get on with my 'official' work..I'm an easy girl to please, just give me the best. :-)
SPOILER ALERT - If you haven't finished Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince yet, you wouldn't want to read what's coming up.
Source: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, by J.K.Rowling
And Harry realized, with a shock so huge it seemed to root him to the spot, that Malfoy was crying — actually crying — tears streaming down his pale face into the grimy basin. Malfoy gasped and gulped and then, with a great shudder, looked up into flu-cracked mirror and saw Harry staring at him over his shoulder.
Malfoy wheeled around, drawing his wand. Instinctively, Harry pulled out his own. Malfoy's hex missed Harry by inches, shattering the lamp on the wall beside him; Harry threw himself sideways, thought Levicorpus! and flicked his wand, but Malfoy blocked the jinx and raised his wand for another —
"No! No! Stop it!" squealed Moaning Myrtle, her voice echoing loudly around the tiled room. "Stop! STOP!"
There was a loud bang and the bin behind Harry exploded; Harry attempted a Leg-Locker Curse that backfired off the wall be-hind Malfoy's ear and smashed the cistern beneath Moaning Myr-tle, who screamed loudly; water poured everywhere and Harry slipped as Malfoy, his face contorted, cried, "Cruci —"
"SECTUMSEMPRA!" bellowed Harry from the floor, waving his wand wildly.
Blood spurted from Malfoy's face and chest as though he had been slashed with an invisible sword. He staggered backward and collapsed onto the waterlogged floor with a great splash, his wand falling from his limp right hand.
"No —" gasped Harry.
Slipping and staggering, Harry got to his feet and plunged toward Malfoy, whose face was now shining scarlet, his white hands scrabbling at his blood-soaked chest.
"No — I didn't —"
Harry did not know what he was saying; he fell to his knees beside Malfoy, who was shaking uncontrollably in a pool of his own blood. Moaning Myrtle let out a deafening scream: "MURDER! MURDER IN THE BATHROOM! MURDER!"
Context for this post is my previous post. For people who have not read the Bible stories, understanding the humor in my last post would have been..well, it wouldn't be funny! So, here goes...
The Bible is full of many interesting caricatures. Michael Angelo painted them on the Sixteen Chapels.
Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel - ofcourse, not caricatures!! ;-)
The first five books of the Bible are Genesis, Exodus, Laxatives, Deuteronomy, and Numbers. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
The first 5 books are Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy. They are also called the Pentateuch or Torah or Mosaic books (accepted to be authored by Moses)
The Bible says (Genesis 1 & 2) that God created the world in 6 days. The 7th day, He rested from all his work and He blessed the 7th day and made it holy. The Christian Sabbath is on Sunday - considered a holy day and also a holiday!
(Trivia: Jewish Sabbath is on Saturdays, not Sundays.)
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son? My punishment is greater than I can bare." If you know the actual story, you would know why the above is funny.
Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Then the Lord said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."
Now Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let's go out to the field." And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.
Then the LORD said to Cain, "Where is your brother Abel?"
"I don't know," he replied. "Am I my brother's keeper?"
I guess what Cain meant was, "How the heck am I supposed to know where Abel is..am I his guardian or what?" - simple terms!
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
Ok..Unleavened bread is bread which has not risen, i.e. bread made without yeast.
The part about the Egyptians drowning in the 'dessert' - you know about how Moses drove the sea apart for the Israelites to cross..well, the Egyptian army follows them and gets drowned in the sea.. (Exodus 14:23-30)
Moses goes up Mount Sinai to get the 10 Commandments!
The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. (When Adam told Eve to "eat the apple" she slapped him.) Requires no further explanation!
The Fifth Commandment is humoring thy father and mother. Humoring = Honoring
The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Admit = Commit
The Ninth Commandment is thou salt not bare faults witness. Thou shalt not bear false witness - simple terms: You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor!
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. The Jewish king, Solomon, supposedly had 700 wives and 300 concubines. We all know what a porcupine is!
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. I think the kid meant Jesus' words - Whatsover you do to the least of my brothers, you do unto me!
He wrote the "B" Attitudes and explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone." He preached the beatitudes (a part of the Sermon on the Mount - Matthew 5:1-11). Beatitudes are nothing but characteristics of a man who would be part of the Kingdom of Heaven - as said by Christ in His sermon.
Jesus' words - "Man does not live by bread alone" when He is tempted by the Devil in the desert. (Matthew 4:1-4:20)
Jesus was crucified on his way to Calgary. It was a miracle when he rose from the dead and managed to get the tomb stone off the entrance. Calgary = Calvary. Jesus was crucified on a hill called Calvary in Golgotha. The rest is kids-talk!
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan. decibels - Apostles. Epistles - letters! I think the kid means the Letters of St.Paul. St.Matthew was a tax collector (taxman!) by profession (it was a big deal in those days 'coz taxmen were considered big sinners for troubling people to pay up!)
Simon was called Peter -- it was like a nickname. I have to agree, it was kinda like a nickname I guess - the Bible refers to 'Simon, also called Peter'..
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. Acrimony - Matrimony...acrimony makes sense too, doesn't it? ;-)
A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony. Bravo kiddo! Montony - Monogamy...whatever! ;-)
Other Christians were condemned to death in large groups. They entered the arena to face wild lions singing hymns of praise in the name of the Father, the Son, and In-the-Hole-He-Goes. Ok, lions cannot sing. Period. In-the-Hole-He-Goes = and the Holy Ghost. I know why this happened - when the priest is celebrating Mass, the prayers are said in a sing-song way..so you can imagine how Holy Ghost would sound if its kinda sung..can't blame the kid, can we? ;-)
But, as Mel Brooks says, "The meek shall inherit the earth." Matthew 5:5 Not said by Mel Brooks ofcourse!
Any mistakes, misinterpretations - all mine! Please correct me wherever I'm wrong.
If knowing the Bible is like swimming, I've only tested the water with my tiny toenail!
It is truly astonishing what happens to Bible stories when young scholars around the world retell them. Some excerpts -
The Bible is full of many interesting caricatures. Michael Angelo painted them on the Sixteen Chapels.
The first five books of the Bible are Genesis, Exodus, Laxatives, Deuteronomy, and Numbers. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son? My punishment is greater than I can bare."
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. (When Adam told Eve to "eat the apple" she slapped him.) The Fifth Commandment is humoring thy father and mother. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. The Ninth Commandment is thou salt not bare faults witness.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He wrote the "B" Attitudes and explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."
Jesus was crucified on his way to Calgary. It was a miracle when he rose from the dead and managed to get the tomb stone off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.
Simon was called Peter -- it was like a nickname.
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
Other Christians were condemned to death in large groups. They entered the arena to face wild lions singing hymns of praise in the name of the Father, the Son, and In-the-Hole-He-Goes.
But, as Mel Brooks says, "The meek shall inherit the earth."
A boy worked in the produce section of the supermarket. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man was persistent. The boy said he'd go ask his manager what to do.
The boy walked into the back room and said, "There's some jerk out there who wants to buy only half a head of lettuce." As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the deal.
Later the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and we like that around here. Where are you from, son?"
The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir."
"Oh really? Why did you leave Minnesota?" asked the manager.
The boy replied, "They're all just prostitutes and hockey players up there."
"My wife is from Minnesota," the manager said.
The boy replied, "Really!? What team did she play for?"
My brother (I have one, younger than me by 5 yrs) convinced me today to join Orkut - yeah, that entire community of people with nothing better to do (look who's talking eh? yeah well..) than just send each other scraps (that's kinda like messages but not that sophisticated-sounding) and rate how cool/trustworthy/sexy their friends are (seriously people, get a life!)...
Sorry to say I joined (I take back what I said earlier about getting a life *head hung* ) ...another mistake I did listening to my bro (just add a pointed tail, 2 horns and hand him a pitchfork - he'll be you-know-what's incarnate)..man, it was boring! Maybe because I don't have a friend circle yet there..but the UI is kinda sad...Blogger and Yahoo! 360 definitely score way above. Even worse is the fact that all you CAN do is send each other scraps and rate how cool/trustworthy/sexy your friends are?!!!
BTW, anyone else out here who's out there too?
I might have liked it if I hadn't been married - honestly, it does seem like a good place where you can 'meet' someone interesting (powered by Google search ofcourse - the best in internet technology man!!! Who better than Google to 'search' for your soulmate!). My brother has fun there with his friends (most of whom are girls - when did my little bro grow up? I seriously have no idea). My cousins are in it too..actually it's just cousin - she's a really sweet thing living in a horribly cold place right now (Neel if you're reading this - what's up with you!! long time no news ra!! you still frozen stiff?). I'll write a blog about these two things (bro and sis I mean) in my life sometime...
Coming back (tangential mind you know)..I think what makes, for want of a better expression, an orkut/blogger/360-like service click is the community. There isn't much of an interaction in my space here - maybe because there is no funda of adding favorites/friends and seeing each others' friends..but not so on 360. But I should admit, blogspot does let me play around with the UI quite a bit which I find interesting. Also, the best thing about blogspot - Save as Draft!! What do I do without drafts!
Anyway..I've decided to give it some time on Orkut - let's see if Google's genious rubs off on it which might make it a bit more interesting than it is now..fingers crossed (so can't type with both hands - PJ!! I know..don't even ask what happened)
Oh almost forgot...IT'S A FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
And...Happy Sankranti/Pongal!! Have a jolly and festive time!
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen - "Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them! Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?!"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
I can honestly say it does not happen with me - with me as in with my husband and me. He drives really well (touch wood) and I know better than to go around doing side-seat driving (I get yelled at to say the least - fair enough!)..and my husband is not much of a cook so he rarely comes into the kitchen...(** start humming "Un samayal araiyil.."**)
Driving is a pleasure, isn't it? Especially if you're not exactly driving but being driven around? ;-) I always had a good time trying to *learn* driving - be it my first cycle (BSA SLR) or my TVS Scooty or Dad's Maruti 800. The weird thing about me learning to drive is that I never - repeat, never - had accidents when I was actually learning. I had accidents when I was supposed to have learnt it all! You're right, I am a weird person.
Cycling - I learnt cycling when I'd just completed my 5th grade. Took almost 3 weeks to get it right. We lived in a township kind of place, so traffic was never a problem. My first accident was with, believe it or not, a cow. Yes, I cycled INTO the poor thing (which was standing in the middle of the road btw) and I fell down and scraped my knee. I did not know much about the braking system in 2 wheelers then (brake irukkune theriyaadhu! bayangara loosu appo - loosu brake illa, naan...hee hee). I never saw the poor cow after that (obviously, vaazhkaila pakkara ovvoru maadum nyabagam irukkuma! translate - how the heck will I remember each and every cow I have seen in my life) - imagine, the cow was too shocked to even think of attacking me back! Well, I was lucky.
With my Scooty - well, I was a bit more responsible by then (or so I said to myself) so it was not that bad. But I did twist my ankle trying to balance the Scooty after swerving to avoid, of all things, a butterfly (pattaampoochi)! Yes, I was that stupid (slighta nut loosu - ippo seri aayidthu, dont worry). I actually thought I was going to hit it - it was right in front of my headlight for god's sakes! I could have hit it, right? Anyone ready to believe that I saved the life of a beautiful butterfly? No one? Hello? Where is this world coming to??!!
The car was a definite improvement in my learning curve - no major accidents (because car belonged to Dad - if I get it nicked, I know I'd be skinned alive and hung from the ceiling fan) . But there was this one time where a branch on the road (it was like lotsa small branches together) got entangled UNDERNEATH the car and I drove around not knowing that, wondering what the heck was the noise! super-aa community service panninen car oda.. swept the whole colony clean with those stupid branches! Vaazhkaila idhellam sagajamappa! (all in a day's work - roughly translated)
I don't drive now (c'mon, I have a husband!) which is good in some aspects. Ok ok, it's good in most aspects. Agreed, happy? But I always felt that knowing driving takes the pleasure out of being driven around. I cannot look out my window (in other words - sight adichufy) when somebody is driving - my eyes always end up turning towards the windshield of the car and I end up feeling more tensed than the person driving - why? because the brake pedal is not under my foot!! It's like you dont have any control on where the stupid car is going...it's a bit like what Chandler says about him not liking puppies/dogs - you don't know what they are thinking and that does freak one out!
Post longer than usual eh? Wake up sleepy heads! my musings are over...get back to work now..or in most cases, get to work now! ;-)
P.S: My posts might contain a bit of Tamil hereafter - I'm kinda missing speaking that language (and my friends..sob sob), so making it up like this! I'll give translations wherever I can, so...you can either learn the language or just shake your head and read on...sorry, my blog...the usual evil laughter..
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits down, the waitress comes over and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
Calvin: Do you like being a girl? Susie: Its gotta be better than the alternative. Calvin: What’s it like? Is it like being a bug? Susie: Like a WHAT? Calvin: I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it.
Calvin: This meeting of the Get Rid Of Slimy Girls club will now come to order. First Tiger Hobbes will read the minutes of our last meeting. Hobbes: Thank you. (9:30) Meeting called to order. Dictator For Life Calvin proposed resoultion condemning the existence of girls. (9:35) First Tiger Hobbes abstains from vote. Motion fails. (9:36) Patriotism of First Tiger called into question. (9:37) Philosophical discussion. (10:15) Bandages administered. Dictator For Life rebuked for biting. Calvin: "Is this a great club or what?" Hobbes: (10:16) Forgot what debate was about. Medals of bravery awarded to all parties.
Calvin: Hello Susie, this is Calvin. I lost our homework assignment. Can you tell me what we were supposed to read for tomorrow? Susie: Are you sure you're not calling for some other reason? Calvin: Why else would I call you? Susie: Maybe you missed the melodious sound of my voice? Calvin: WHAT? Are you crazy? All I want is the STUPID assignment! Susie: First say you missed the melodious sound of my voice. Calvin: THIS IS BLACKMAIL!!!
I've decided to write something goofy today...read at your own risk, me not responsible for you pulling your hair out. Consider yourself warned.
************** I had a good Sunday. Sunday is when we go to church. Church is where we pray. Pray that I do what I'm having in mind now. Now is the time to be happy. Happy is he who is healthy. Healthy foods do not taste as good as junk food. Food for thought - Are you sure God doesn't play dice with the universe? Universe is what universe is. Is it getting a bit dull reading this? This is why I'm in two minds whether to post this or not. Not doing anything is better than doing something stupid. Stupid people do not always look stupid. Stupid is the word I'm using again. Again, but not again. Again and this is it. It is good to get as stupid as this sometimes. Sometimes, I do weird things which people don't always appreciate. Appreciate someone if you think they were good. Good things happen to good people. People do not always help each other if there's nothing in it for them. Them is a word with which I cannot start. Start today what you had to do a week back. Back off! Off you go and find the paper while you're at it. It is getting to my nerves doing what I'm doing. Doing this kinda means I dont have work right now. Now is not the time to act weird. Weird is he who has a monkey on his head. Head right 2 blogs from here and you might find what you're looking for. For want of a nail, a kingdom was lost. Lost and found. Found, but it's not what was lost, so they're searching still. Still life is boring. Boring is what this post is getting now. Now would be the right time to stop.
**************
I warned you, didn't I? Now, don't you dare blame me! My blog, my rules. Muaahahaha..
I call it spontaneous writing - in other words, Monday Blues.
As Langdon sat alone, absently gazing into the darkness, the silence of his home was shattered again, this time by the ring of his fax machine. Too exhausted to be annoyed, Langdon forced a tired chuckle.
God’s people, he thought. Two thousand years of waiting for their Messiah, and they’re still persistent as hell.
Wearily, he returned his empty mug to the kitchen and walked slowly to his oak-paneled study. The incoming fax lay in the tray. Sighing, he scooped up the paper and looked at it.
Instantly, a wave of nausea hit him.
The image on the page was that of a human corpse. The body had been stripped naked, and its head had been twisted, facing completely backward. On the victim’s chest was a terrible burn. The man had been branded . . . imprinted with a single word. It was a word Langdon knew well. Very well. He stared at the ornate lettering in disbelief.
“Illuminati,” he stammered, his heart pounding. It can’t be . . .
In slow motion, afraid of what he was about to witness, Langdon rotated the fax 180 degrees. He looked at the word upside down.
Instantly, the breath went out of him. It was like he had been hit by a truck. Barely able to believe his eyes, he rotated the fax again, reading the brand right-side up and then upside down. “Illuminati,” he whispered.
Stunned, Langdon collapsed in a chair. He sat a moment in utter bewilderment. Gradually, his eyes were drawn to the blinking red light on his fax machine. Whoever had sent this fax was still on the line . . . waiting to talk. Langdon gazed at the blinking light a long time. Then, trembling, he picked up the receiver.
I got this story as a forward from my dad - he's really sweet you know, I started using email (and the associated 'email forwards') way before he did but he still sends me all these things that I've read umpteen times before! Way to go Dad! Love ya! ---------------------- Source: Internet
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the accident of evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge toward him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell to the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear, right on top of him: reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the atheist cried out "Oh my God!...."
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky: "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and, even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light: "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well," the voice said. The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped its right paw, brought both paws together, bowed its head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
An undercover media investigation reveals a shocking lack of literary appreciation among some of Britain's famous publishers and agents.
One of the most enduring myths of the book world now stands exposed: the belief that great publishers and literary agents instinctively recognise a good work when they see one. Stories about earnest editors rescuing literary gems from "slush piles" always sounded a bit exaggerated but who would have thought that these might be pure fiction? Now, we know — thanks to an undercover media investigation, which has revealed a shocking level of a lack of literary appreciation among some of Britain's famous publishers and agents. Let alone discovering new talent, they were not able to recognise even some of the existing classics such as the Nobel Laureate V.S. Naipaul's In a Free State when these were submitted to them disguised as new works by aspiring writers.
The Sunday Times, which carried out the sting operation, said it sent a typed manuscript of Sir Vidia's Booker Prize winning novel under an assumed name to 20 publishers and agents — and all turned it down! Some did not even care to acknowledge it. Those who did regretted that it was not something that greatly excited them.
The newspaper reported that "typical" was the reply from a leading London literary agency, PFD, which wrote back: "Having considered your material, we do not feel, we are sorry to say, sufficiently enthusiastic or confident about it." Ditto another well-known agency, Blake Friedmann. It was not impressed either by the "content" or the novelist's "writing style."
Offering its apologies, the agency explained: "In order to take on a new author, several of us here (at the agency) would need to be extremely enthusiastic about both the content and writing style. I'm sorry to say we didn't feel that strongly about your work."
There was bad news from yet another agent, Barbara Levy, who thought that although the novel was "quite original" there was not enough spark in it to interest her. "In the end, I'm afraid we just weren't quite enthusiastic enough to be able to offer to take things further," she replied.
Another highly-regarded and prize-winning novel submitted to the same set of publishers and agents suffered a similar fate. Stanley Middleton's Holiday, which shared the 1974 Booker Prize with Nadine Gordimer's The Conservationist, was also rejected almost by everyone — including Bloomsbury and Time Warner — on grounds that it was not their sort of book. Only one literary agent showed some interest and wanted to see more chapters before making up her mind. Both In a Free State and Holiday were widely acclaimed when first published in the 1970s, and the former still remains among Sir Vidia's more important works.
So, what's going on? Surely, there is something wrong somewhere when the country's best literary minds — those who decide what others should read — appear to be so completely devoid of critical insight. Even after allowing for the fact that the novels in question were published in a different era and that literary tastes have changed dramatically since then the episode tells us something about how publishing decisions are made these days with attention focussed solely on marketing. And not so much on marketing the book as on marketing the author.
Important factors
In recent years, age, gender, and the "looks" of an author have become important factors in making publishing judgments. While a beautiful face may no longer be a pre-requisite for a career in films, publishers are becoming increasingly obsessed with whether a prospective writer is young and glamorous enough to attract readers. And if they have an "interesting" and headline-grabbing personal history that is regarded as a bonus.
The "new" school
The "new" school of publishing believes that in an age of competing forms of mass entertainment a book does not sell on its literary merit alone but rides on the back of a whole lot of extra-literary factors, the most important of which is the "marketing" potential of the writer's personality — looks, lifestyle, ability to sound clever on the telly etc. etc.
Older authors, unless they have consistently topped the charts, are seen as a marketing liability. "Being 29, blonde, good-looking, and vaguely famous should be enough to get you a book published nowadays," according to Nicholas Clee, former editor of The Bookseller, Britain's most authoritative trade journal.
No wonder, there is a rash of books by B-list celebrities while serious writers struggle to find acceptance. Increasingly, publishers also tend to prefer first-time authors — more so, if they are young and telegenic — because they find it easier to "tease" the market with an untested commodity than risk money on those whose previous works may not have done well.
An apocryphal story doing the rounds is that a journal is planning to resubmit Sir Vidia and Mr. Middleton's novels to another set of publishers and literary agents — this time disguised as debut works of fictional twenty-something "blondes"! We await the outcome with bated breath.
I had a very disturbing end to 2005. I was travelling by train and what I saw during my journey has shaken me, to say the least. It also made me feel lucky to be me. But the guilt that came with it was and is unbearable -
I was reading HP and the Order of the Phoenix for the 8th time and I didn't realize the train had stopped. I felt a movement beside me and saw a crippled boy, dustcloth in hand, sweeping the compartment floor - his legs were affected by polio, so he was dragging himself along the whole way. He came to where I was seated, cleared up bits of dust and paper from the floor and looked up at me - the dignity I found in those eyes, I will not see in any others' eyes. He was not begging. He wanted pay for a service he did. I gave him whatever coins my hand hit in my purse and he carried on with the next seats...most people did not give anything. It hurt me that I could not be of more help to this boy. Life had been very unfair on him already - does he deserve such unfairness from his fellow human beings too? There could be organizations that help such people have a respectable life. But does that absolve us of any responsibility towards them? The coins I gave might get him half a meal - what next? Who's going to help him for the remaining half? How do I even justify calling it a 'help' when I didn't do anything?!!
Mea Culpa!
I'm disgusted with myself. Thoroughly disgusted.
Things didn't end there on my journey. Our train was moving more slowly and at one point, it was almost coming to a stop. There was a railway crossing and all the vehicles on the road had stopped waiting for the train to pass. Near the gate, there was a kid (he wouldn't be more than 5 yrs old) standing with a tin box in his hand - the only clothes he was wearing was a torn pair of shorts. But you know what he was doing? He was waving at the train in full spirit, oblivious to his surroundings with the brightest, most beautiful smile ever. I've never seen a more cuter boy in my entire life. Tears just welled up in my eyes - that boy could have been my brother! How would I feel if my own brother were standing there like that and waving at the train? I would die before I let that happen to my brother, right? But for this boy, I didn't do anything. 2 drops of tears was all I could do - and it didn't help him in any way.
Mea Culpa!
I don't know why I'm even writing this here. But it seems so cruel of me to continue with my life, as if nothing happened, when there are so many people out there for whom every day is a struggle. God has given me all that I need in my life - more than what I need actually. But what am I doing in return? Nothing.
God has given some people everything and more. Why? So that they can help the others who do not have anything. God felt that we are capable of helping others - that's why He gave us all what we have. Are we doing what God expects us to do? I don't know about you, but I, most definitely, am not doing what I'm supposed to. I'm not even trying! I've let down my Creator!
Mea Culpa!
And so ended 2005...but 2006 is another year. And guess what? It just started! I have 365 brand new days ahead and this time, I'm going to make a difference in some one's life. There might be a lot of people in my life then, now and tomorrow, who might feel let down by me. But I'm not putting God on that list - no sir I'm not, I cannot afford to disappoint Him.
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