Some questions I might never find a 'satisfactory' answer to -
1. In absolute terms, what is crap? 2. When someone says a dish tastes like mud, does that mean they have tasted mud? 3. Who let the dogs out? 4. What's under the bed at night? (You cannot say 'nothing' - switch the lights off and check) 5. Is 'pretty as a picture' supposed to be a compliment? For starters, pictures are framed and are hung on the wall. On nails mostly. 6. Why are most bad words composed of 4 letters? 7. What was the intention behind the word 'foolproof'? 8. Isn't 'Good Morning' an oxymoron? (Borrowed this question from Garfield - he feels Good Morning is a contradiction in terms and I agree!) 9. If you see someone familiar in a movie theatre, why do they always ask "Hey, came to watch a movie eh?" ? (Well, duh!! ) 10. If nothing is impossible, why do we need that word in the dictionary? (I know I'll get some smart-ass answer for this one - it is a smart-ass question, I know that too, thank you very much.) 11. What's the deal with 'dead tired'? You're either dead or you're tired - can't be both, can it? 12. When someone tells you to 'be yourself', what the heck do they mean? If I'm not me, who am I? 13. If I own a piece of land, do I own it till the core of the earth? (Not mine, I read it somewhere and it really made me think about it!) 14. Why is 18 the legal age for a lot of things (driving, drinking, inherting stuff, etc)? Why not 19? or 20? (There could be an explanation for this though, I dont know it yet) 15. Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Ask me more like this - I enjoy them, makes me feel human again.
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens Bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens Brown paper packages tied up with string, These are a few of my favorite things.
Cream coloured ponies and crisp apple strudel, Door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings, These are a few of my favorite things.
Girls in white dresses and blue satin sashes, Snow-flakes that stay on my nose and eye-lashes, Silver white winters that melt into spring, These are a few of my favorite things,
When the dog bites, When the bee stings, When I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, And then I don't feel, so bad.
Thanksgiving is in the air. We don't celebrate Thanksgiving where I come from. But when you're in Rome, be a Roman! And, it never hurt anyone to say thanks once in a while, right? What a wonderful coincidence that I'm blogging these days and it happens to be Thanksgiving! I'm going to take this opportunity to be thankful for all my blessings -
I'm thankful...
For Arun. For Mom, Dad and Chaitu. For Amma, Pappa and Anish. For Neelu, for Sanju, for Kishan, for Mano. For Grandma and Grandma. For Aunts and Uncles and cousins. For nieces and nephews. For friends. For colleagues. For Tom, my first (and last) pet.
For every smile, every tear, every tiff, every fear. For all the struggles and the pain, in times sunny and in rain. For the sunset and the moon, for every morning, every noon. For the sea, for the sky, for all the stars up so high. For pumpkin and cinnamon, for chocolates and almonds. For Macy's and Walmart and Nike and Reebok.
I'm not going to get all mushy and sentimental now, no poems or love notes either. I just want to say that everytime I think of you, I feel truly blessed. To be loved by you is to know love in all its glory and warmth. I love you.
Here's wishing you (and me!) many many more happy returns of this day.
It's amazing how (I know I know, I start most of my blog write-ups like this! Bear with me please) a woman's mind works. The most common complaint I've heard from most guys I know is - 'How the hell am I supposed to know what she's thinking? You girls are so..so...(they still haven't found a word to end that sentence by the way)..so..' I get it. We're way too deep for men to understand - right? Well, most men would say 'Bingo!'. And I counter that with my favourite line - 'It's not that we're too deep..It's just that you guys are too shallow'..and trust me, there's nothing that drives a guy more wild than this one sentence (except ofcourse 'I told you so' - you can't beat 'I told you so'!).
And I stand by what I say - even if you carried all the oxygen in the world in a tank and start divin', you still can't reach where we women keep our thoughts - it doesn't work that way you know. We, on the other hand, can sometimes read guys' minds. Especially if it's saying something like 'Oh crap, there she goes again' or 'Man, is she fat!' (at the wife) or 'Whoa, she's hot' (at the neighbour). It's a gift, you see, and it comes in very very handy. Like - She: 'Sweety, you heard what I just said right?' He: 'Uh, what?' (or) 'Uh, yeah' (or) 'Uh, ' BUSTED!!
There are also some questions for which there can never be an answer - no matter what you guys say (or don't say), you're screwed. Like -
Does this dress make me look fat? (oh, she hates you - simple) How come you never offer to make dinner? (Classic one - this always ends with a fight. Actually, when she wants to fight, this is how it might start) Do you know have any idea much work I do around here? (run for cover guys) What do you expect me to say now? (don't even think about answering this one) Well? (My favorite. That one word and the stare that comes with it carries more payload than a nuclear warhead. And it also means you'll probably be dead in the next 3 minutes. Call 911.)
When you hear one (or many, if you're really unfortunate) of the above, your best answer could be 'Im really sorry sweety. It's my mistake, and I'll never do it again dear'. You have a better chance of staying married. And staying alive. With all your limbs intact.
It's easy to understand how we girls do it if you pay attention. Now, thats another topic - attention - let's not go there though. So how do we know when you're lying? It could be a small pause at the wrong place..a misplaced 'Uh'..a slight flicker in the eyes..a deep breath before the answer (you guys should seriously think of taking that breath after the answer - it's like holding a beacon in you hand saying 'Get me, I'm a liar, my pants are on fire'). By the way you guys, I'm giving out some really hard-to-get information here, taking notes would be a good idea.
There is also a freak of nature that helps us out you know - you can't lie that well to a girl if you care about her. It's a fact. Why do you think husbands get caught lying all the time but the single guy on a one-night stand doesn't!! But this is a double edged sword you know - as long as the wife knows she can find out when her husband is lying - all is well. The moment she gets a feeling she cannot find out, then saying the truth all the time is not going to help out either. So, choose your lies carefully. Prioritize what is worth lying about (and getting caught probably) and what is not. It's for your own safety.
Some lies and lie nots (for guys only) - Always - 1. Lie (and let her lie) about her age. 2. Lie for questions about her weight. (You should make 'No' your reflex answer. Honey am I fat? No. Does this dress make me look fat? No. Am I fatter than her? No. Do I look older than you? No.) 3. Lie to the boss to spend more time with her/family. (She'll love you more for this one folks.) 4. Lie to your mother about how good she is at everything.
Never - 1. Lie for questions about your weight (applicable only if you're heavier than her. If you're not, then that's wrong - you should be). 2. Lie to her to spend more time at work. (You'll probably be on the couch for a month if you dont heed this.) 3. Lie (or tell the truth) to her mother about how good you are at helping out.
Disclaimer: The thoughts expressed here are my own. I do not guarantee a happy marriage or a happy courtship (or anything happy) if the above advice is taken. You can do all this at your own risk.
It's good to lie about things that might otherwise hurt. Like if you forgot Valentine's - think of something really sweet - "Sweety, everyday with you is Valentine's day, so what's the big deal darling!".
I'm just kidding. If you forgot Valentine's Day, you should ideally be flayed and paraded down the Champs Elysees.
Choose your lies. It's like choosing between life and death.
Test paper question: What happened in Concord in 1775?
Calvin (on anwer paper): Let's be honest. You're asking me about Concord? I rely on the bus driver to find my own house from here. Concord could be on Neptune for all I know. And what happened 220 years ago? I'm a kid. I don't know what's going on NOW. I don't have a shred of context for any of this. It's hopeless, Miss Wormwood, hopeless.
Calvin (aloud): We both try to demoralize each other! :-)
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Test paper question: Explain Newton's first law of motion in your own words.
Calvin (on answer paper): Yakka Foob Mog. Grug Pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz.
Calvin (aloud): I love loopholes.
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Test paper question: What important event took place on December 16, 1773?
Calvin (on answer paper): I do not believe in linear time. There is no past and future: all is one, and existence in the temporal sense is illusory. This question, therefore, is meaningless and impossible to answer.
Calvin (aloud): When in doubt, deny all terms and definitions.
I saw pale kings, and princes too, Pale warriors, death-pale were they all; Who cry'd--"La belle Dame sans merci Hath thee in thrall!"
That was my first taste of John Keats. In 6th grade, I took part in a poetry recitation contest and this was what our team chose to recite. It was about a knight who had lost his 'fair maiden'. I was too young to know about poetic license or iambic pentameter, but I thoroughly enjoyed reciting it. I fell in love with poems. Keats, Blake (Tiger Tiger burning bright), Wordsworth (who can forget Daffodils), Ogden Nash (my favourite - This is going to hurt just a little bit - I hate going to the dentist too!), Coleridge (Rime of the Ancient Mariner - 'water water everywhere, nor any drop to drink' fame)..I read them all! Only one regret though - I couldn't memorize every line I ever read - tough, I know..sob sob.
It's just amazing how some people (poets) can see normal things and make it poetry. I've tried my hand at it - the less said about it the better folks! Disaster is an understatement. You have to be Keats to write about an urn - honestly, when I see an urn, I just see something that can hold water! I know I know I'm terrible!!!!! It's hopeless I tell you. Poets are born, not made - atleast that's what I tell myself to feel better about my failure.
Believe it or not, I also tried doing limericks. Here goes my first one ever, I wrote it when I was in my 10th grade - (no comments on this please, I know what you're going to say, so save it!)
After their dreamy marriage They set off in a carriage To the moon For a honeymoon But returned due to alien barrage.
There. Laugh. It's ok, I can completely understand. But you know what? I atleast had the guts to put it on my blog. So I'm not that bad after all.
I'll end this with my favorite lines (don't worry, not mine. ) -
When the stars threw down their spears, And water'd heaven with their tears, Did He smile His work to see? Did He who made the lamb make thee?
Tiger, tiger, burning bright In the forests of the night, What immortal hand or eye Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?
By the way, the knight does not find his fair maiden till the end - she was afterall 'La belle dame sans merci'.
It was at that moment she decided enough is enough. She was tired of longing for it...tired of waiting and watching..she had to do something about it now. When was the last time she ever did it? She couldn't remember. It seemed like it was in another lifetime when things were so much simpler. She took a deep breath and got up - and felt a shiver run down her spine. Strangely, she felt exhilarated - that surprised her, wasn't she supposed to feel scared? or alteast guilty? She didn't feel guilty - she'd come beyond all that now.
Her first 2 steps were tentative - but then she remembered the pain and she wanted to end it - she walked out of the room. She opened the door and steeled herself for the first onslaught of the cold air. It almost knocked the wind out of her - she could feel her mind giving up and wanting to go back. But going back was not an option. She'd had enough and this was her revenge.
Half in doubt, she slowly extended her hand. She could hear her heart beat in her throat. Her hand got there before her mind did, she could feel the cold veneer of her long lost love - the love was lost, what remained was bitterness. She couldn't defeat the lure of it and now she was giving in. Giving in? It hit her like a blast of a ship's foghorn - giving in? She wasn't going to give in. It just wasn't in her nature to give in. She took her hand back as if she'd been stung. She shut the door hard and ran back into the room. It took her all of 10 minutes to calm down..she could feel her heart beat normally..she was sweating and her hands were shivering.
She heard the car in the driveway. Her husband was home - after what seemed like an eternity. She ran to the door and yanked it open even before he got out of the car. She felt so relieved to see him - he would understand why she tried to do it. He knew something was wrong when he saw her. He came running to her, 'Honey, are you ok? Is something wrong? Why are you looking so pale?'
And she told him. She told him how she tried to give up on her diet and eat the chocolates in the refrigerator after all.
It's interesting how something as mundane as light bulbs can become a challenge for people to create new questions and answers (both equally witty) as they go along. We started with the good ol' men and women thing, and now we're doing software-based questions (I like the one about the Microsoft engineers) - technology sure rocks! Mind you, we still don't forget the men-women thing - it has generic appeal you see - I don't need to know the difference between Mac and Windows to appreciate a light bulb joke!
I like the fact that the our humor is also improving/advancing along with the technology around us. It's the in thing to joke about C++ and Java as opposed to our usual lawyers and politicians. Not as interesting, but its cool man!
These days I'm made to realize more often that the world does not start and end with software developers. There are locksmiths, hardware store owners, teachers, tellers, mechanics, tourist guides, security guards, chefs, chauffeurs, bus drivers, taxi drivers, pilots, stewards, fishermen, etc to name a very few! If you're a software developer (or engineer if you want to make it sound more serious - anything that you want to sound serious, call it engineering), your entire gamut of friends and neighbours are software developers!! And as a software engineer myself, I have to accept - we're not that much fun (you're very welcome to prove me wrong). We just cannot talk about normal things. Like the weather. Or food. All talks just have to come around to client-servers and grid computing! Oh for cryin out loud!
I have some friends who are not software engineers. Very few friends. Actually, it's just one. And I like the fact that when I'm with her, I don't need to talk about tech stacks and Applications and databases! She wouldn't think I'm a technologically-challenged person if I swap the definitions of a stub and a skeleton (a good possibility I would do that - not much into RMI). Our IT talk ends with e-mail. We talk about cooking. We talk about clothes and jewellery. Normal girl things. And guess what? Its fun! :-)
It's good to come out of our worlds once in a while and meet up with regular people. Like Mom and Dad. Like friends who're interested in your earrings - not in the config of your laptop. It's not that I hate being a software engineer, heck, I'm proud to be one. I can make sense out of endless bits of characters called code. But it kinda gets to me once in a while. I do long for times when I can hear the word 'bug' and think of an insect and not a software application!
Guess what? I gotta stop right here 'coz I have a bug to fix. And I cannot do it with a swatter.
I was born on Friday, the 12th. 1980, if you must ask (cross my heart, I'm not lying!). It's not as spooky as Friday, the 13th - but it does have a different ring to it, doesn't it? Maybe you think it's the way I'm saying it ;-)
I've always had a special place for the number 12. And it's not just because it appears as my birth date and month. It somehow gives me the impression of being complete. There are 12 in a dozen, 12 months in a year, 12 signs in the zodiac..and there were 12 apostles. And, wonder of wonders, I was born on the 12th day of the 12th month!
And...Friday. It's like a magical word, isn't it? 'Thank God, it's Friday'. Nobody says 'Thank God, its Monday' - I personally would say 'O God, it's Monday'. Let's face it, it's a special day of the week. Not as special as Sunday though, but nevertheless...the week's gone..got 2 full days of fun ahead. It is a good day. And I was born on a Friday. And my mom stopped having fun ever since - well, that's beside the point anyway.
Where am I going with this Friday the 12th thing? Well..glad you asked. You'll know where I'm going in a minute - patience, my dear, is a virtue!
There have been a lot of times in my life when I have felt I'm a special person for God. (Wow, you believe I just said that??!!) All of us would have felt that at some point - agreed. It's just that I decided to put it on my blog. Ha! Now, what’s this got to do with my birth date? Well, get there! God chose a special day for His (or Her, c'mon, why shouldn't it be a Her? Coz Michelangelo painted it as an old man with white hair? Oh please!) special person. So..you kinda guessed it. This monologue is not about Friday or 12. It's about me. Me, me and more me.
I read this beautiful thing the other day, it went - 'It's not that God doesn't answer all our prayers. It's just that sometimes the answer is No'. I liked these words. It explained a lot of things to me. Like why I still don't own a Mercedes. Or the crown jewels for that matter. The answer was No. Makes sense, doesn't it? A lot of things in our life happen the way we want it to. A lot don't. We cannot change it - we can however change how we take it. Ok, I know what you're thinking - I spend time on reading her stupid blog, and now she's giving me advice? Well, mon ami, I'm not giving advice. I hate giving advice. I do it all the time. People do it all the time to me.
This blog is not completely about me. I'm not going to share my worst nightmare or my best dream on this blog. I'm not going to say how I met my husband. I'm not going to complain about the government or my boss (that's just coz he might read this). This is just my attempt to talk to the world and not have the world talk back (you wish, eh? you're gonna post comments, aren't ya?). Not about anything in particular, but about everything under the sun. And about the small and mundane things in the nooks and crannies that the sun doesn't quite reach at times.
Thanks for putting up with me so far. I really appreciate it. Let me know you visited - bouquets or brickbats - both welcome equally. I didn't mean it when I said I want to talk to world without having the world talk back. Would get boring for all of us, right?
Disclaimer: All opinions expressed here are my own and do not represent those of my employer. The fact that a particular comment is posted on this blog does not mean that I have endorsed it in any way or verified the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any such comment. I, in no terms, shall be held responsible for/associated with the content carried by the blogs I link to.
